Shooting The Messenger

Boy, do I identify with this cartoon. For more cartoons on Gore, click on post title above.

Steroids Scandal

Now I understand it all. Click on post title to read rest of parody.


The Atlantic Monthly | April 2007

Inside the Bush administration’s steroids scandal

The Shots Heard 'Round the World

by John Freeman Gill

.....

Illustrations by Steve Brodner

An open letter from Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig:

ith Opening Day upon us and Hank Aaron’s hallowed career home-run record likely to come under controversial assault this season, it is with some urgency that I share with you disturbing new revelations about the conduct of several current and former Bush administration heavy hitters.

In recent weeks, baseball’s ongoing investigation, led by former Washington Senators left fielder George Mitchell, has turned up damaging new evidence.

Put simply, it has become clear that when key players in the Bush administration appeared in 2005 before the reform committee of Major League Baseball and declared under oath that they had never knowingly used steroids while conducting foreign policy, they were not being truthful with the American public. Formerly classified urine samples conclusively confirm the charges—first leveled in former Oakland A’s star Jose Canseco’s book, Juiced—that Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz regularly injected each other in the buttocks with anabolic steroids during the 2001 and 2002 seasons....

Is that how the State of the Union was drafted?

To see more on this topic, click on the post title above.

Iraq Political Cartoons

To see more cartoons on this topic from Slate Magazine, click on post title above.

Perfect for these Times

Low concept
The G.W. Bush Severance Package
His stock is falling. He has lost the confidence of shareholders. So how much would it take to make him go away?
By Henry Blodget
Posted Thursday, Jan. 11, 2007, at 1:43 PM ET, Slate Magazine

Dear Mr. Bush:

This memo sets forth the terms of the severance agreement reached this morning between your representatives and the Board of Directors regarding your contemplated departure as Chief Executive Officer of United States of America, Inc. (Hereafter: "USA, Inc.").

The Board acknowledges that you believe you are doing "a heck of a job" and that, if not for weak-willed defeatists in Congress, the White House, the news media, the Democratic Party, the military, Iraq, the G7, and the voting public, the rest of the world might agree. The Board acknowledges that your representatives have produced evidence that you believe supports your assessment of your job performance and challenges the expertise and motives of your detractors. Without passing judgment on such evidence, the Board will try to honor your request that it be made available to "patriotic" historians.

The Board agrees to accept any hypothetical resignation you may decide to offer. If you decide to resign, the Board understands that you will do so "for personal reasons" and "to spend more time with your family." The Board agrees that any such resignation would be voluntary.

Lastly, the Board agrees that, if you resign, Mr. Richard Cheney will immediately be sworn in as the company's 44^th President. Mr. Cheney will issue two executive orders—the first anointing you the "Freedom, Democracy, and Victory President," and the second pardoning you. Having ensured his presidential legacy, Mr. Cheney will then resign, citing health reasons.

About Your Severance Package:

Your representatives provided the Board with a recommended hypothetical severance package developed by your severance consultants. The Board acknowledges that your severance consultants have extraordinary experience and expertise in this arena, having advised on 185 CEO departures in the last three years. The Board agrees that, should you resign, your Hypothetical Severance Package will become your Severance Package.

Terms of Your Hypothetical Severance Package

In gratitude for your past six years of service as the War President and your future years of service as the Freedom, Democracy, and Victory President, you will receive:

• A lump-sum equivalent to a modest 0.02 percent of the Gross Domestic Product of USA, Inc. in your six years of leadership (calculated by annualizing the final year), as well as an additional bonus of 0.02 percent of projected GDP for the next two years. Your severance consultants note that this percentage is less than half of that recently received by another departing Chief Executive, Home Depot's Robert Nardelli. (The Board thanks you for your sacrifice.) The special additional bonus will compensate you for the inconvenience of having to relocate two years earlier than expected.
• The Board recognizes that the above lump-sum payment of $21 billion will create a substantial tax burden for you and your family. The Board regrets that it cannot decree that income taxes on Chief Executive Officer severance packages "be temporarily waived to stimulate the economy and create jobs." As a result, the Board will accept your alternate recommendation that the sum be structured as a Special Ex-CEO Trust, from which you will receive interest and dividends tax-free. Your consultants estimate that this will produce a lifetime income of $1 billion per year.
• Because the above income may not support the lifestyle to which you are accustomed, you will also receive the following nonmonetary compensation:

*Lifetime use of U.S. military transport aircraft, as well as complimentary joy rides in all new fighter planes, tanks, assault vehicles, and moon rockets.

*Right of first refusal on all future military contracts for any companies you work for, serve as a director of, or own shares in.

*Full military pension for your service as a member of the National Guard and Commander in Chief.

*Full Social Security and Medicare benefits, even if such programs are eliminated.

*Full government pension and benefits, including full health care, dental care, psychiatric care, and drug and alcohol rehabilitation coverage.

*Full memberships at any clubs you wish to belong to, including Augusta National and the Dick Cheney Memorial Quail Sanctuary and Wildlife Refuge Hunting Club.

*Four full-time assistants to handle your communications needs.

• If you predecease your wife, Laura, the above benefits will accrue to her (except, for obvious reasons, the membership at Augusta National). If you and Laura predecease your children, the above benefits will accrue to them. If your family predeceases your fellow patriot Mr. Karl Rove, the above benefits shall accrue to him.

The Board agrees that the terms of this hypothetical severance agreement are merely hypothetical, that you have not decided to resign, and that you may not decide to resign. The Board recognizes that you alone are the Decider, and it does not in any way wish to influence or rush your decision. The Board regrets, however, that given the rate at which USA, Inc. shareholder frustration is increasing, the terms of this hypothetical severance agreement will expire at sundown.

Sincerely,
The Board of Directors
USA, Inc.

Henry Blodget, a former securities analyst, is the author of The Wall Street Self-Defense Manual.

Happy New Year

I wish one and all a healthy and happy new year. To see some of the best American editorial cartoons of 2006, click on the post title above.

Enjoy!

For Those Who Make Forecasts

More Thanksgiving Humor

The Pre-Meal Thanksgiving Safety Demonstration

Welcome to this Thanksgiving meal, with non-stop service from passive aggression to outright yelling. This afternoon's meal will last approximately two hours and 14 minutes. At this time, please direct your attention to the head of the table for the pre-meal safety demonstration.

Emergency exits are located at the door into the kitchen and through the living room into the front hall. Please take a moment to locate the exit nearest you.

When the meal begins to take off, you must fasten your lips shut. To do so, insert an alcoholic beverage into a glass, and pull it to your lips for a long swig. We suggest that you keep your beverage glass full throughout the meal, as we may experience turbulence.

In the event of a sudden pressurization of the dining room's atmosphere, various members of the family may drop insults that they don't actually mean. Remain calm. Pull the defensive psychological mask that you have constructed over your face and breathe normally. Insults will continue to flow even after the mask is in place.

In the event of water flowing from eyelids, please remember that your Walgreen's Thanksgiving print paper napkin can be used as a tear-soaking device.

This is a non-smoking meal. Tampering with, disabling, or destroying the smoke detectors located in the bathroom is an offense punishable by substantial yelling and cursing.

At this time we ask that you turn off all cell phones, pagers, and other electronic devices. Please make sure that you have stowed away all painful memories and disappointments in preparation for the meal.

For complete information on meal safety procedures, please review the email provided to you by your cousin Joe detailing which family members are not talking to which other family members and which subjects are prohibited.

Thank you for choosing this side of the family for your Thanksgiving meal. At this time, you may sit back, relax, and enjoy the fight.

Thanksgiving Humor

Happy thanksgiving to all.

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10/28/06

Thanksgiving Cartoon Fun
+
History
From
Brownielocks and The 3 Bears

We have another cartoon called "Thanksgiving and Bird Flu"

The Rock How did Thanksgiving begin? Well, let's say here in the US it all started with a big granite rock...Plymouth Rock, that is. The big boulder which is rumored to be the one in which the Pilgrims first stepped on was in Plymouth, Massachusetts. The rock later was moved to Plymouth's Town Square, and then to a local museum called Pilgrim Hall. Then it was brought back to the beach and placed under a stone canopy along with a box that was suppose to contain some Pilgrim's bones. However, due to souvenir snatchers from chipping little pieces off, the rock got put in a pit with a wrought iron fence around it and portico to shelter tourists from bad weather. Top it off with the fact that there really is no official documentation to prove that this is THE rock the Pilgrims are supposed to have stepped on. But the rock has symbolized America's freedom. During the Revolutionary War, Plymouth citizens took it as a good sign (not bad) when the rock split in two while being pried from it's bed for use as a pedestal for a liberty pole. Shortly after the colonies "split from England." The two halves were eventually put together and originally it was around 12 feet in diameter and weighed 7 or 8 tons. But due to souvenir hunters and all that moving about, the rock has been worn down. So how does this big granite rock begin a tradition with turkeys, cornucopia, corn, harvests, thanksgiving, parades, football and so on?

Celebrating Harvests in Other Cultures Celebrating a harvest is not the invention of the Puritans. It has actually been going on for hundreds of years before. And rocks have always been areas for thrones for such celebrations. The Greeks celebrated a harvest festival honoring Demeter, their goddess of agriculture with a 9-day feast. Persephone, the goddess of the seasons was Demeter's daughter. The Romans honored their goddess of harvest, Ceres, with a festival called Cerealia and done every Autumn. Hebrews celebrated the harvest with Sukkoth also known as The Feast of the Tabernacles. This goes on for 8 days. The Egyptians had their God of Fertility, Min, honored in an annual harvest ceremony by having the Pharoh cut the first sheaf of grain. This act was symbolic to help insure everyone would have plenty because the Pharoh was also considered a God. The Chinese have their Harvest Moon Festival. The Japanese have field gods. The Hindu have their harvest protector and the American Seneca Indians have "Green Corn Dance" to honor a harvest. The Iroquois have their "Great Feather Dance" as a celebration of thanks for a good harvest. The ancient Celtic people held a fall celebration the first of November as a feast to the summer's end. See our Halloween History page for further information.

The Pilgrims aka Puritans and the First Thanksgiving. Or was it? So going back to the Rock again, we get the Pilgrims who were nicknamed Puritans because they wanted to purify the English Church of all traces of Roman Catholic influence. Well, that didn't go too well (and is the basis for the problems today in Northern Ireland as I understand it) so they got on a ship called the Mayflower and set sail for this so-called "New World" in which they could live free from England's dominance. And after so many days at sea, they landed at Plymouth, Massachusetts and supposedly stepped on that big granite rock! But after a while they got homesick for some English traditions, and in 1621 history tells us that the first Thanksgiving took place as a way to celebrate the English harvest festival, surviving the long voyage and the first year in this new rocky land and their helpful friends, the Indians. They were simply thankful to be alive still! Chief Massasoit, with 90 other Indians were invited to a dinner that lacked enough food. So, when the Chief saw this, he sent several of his men to go into the forest and get more to eat. They came back with 5 deer. The Indians stayed for 3 days and feasted on fowl, deer, Indian corn, pumpkins, beans, fish, clams, lobster and of course turkey! But history is a bit wrong. The 1621 Thanksgiving wasn't the first real harvest celebration in the New World. It might be the first with Indians invited' however? Actually the first harvest festival was held 40 years earlier by English Settlers in Newfoundland. Another festival was held 14 years before in Maine. And just 3 years before in 1618 a festival in Virginia known as Berkeley's Hundred was held and really beat the Pilgrims' party in 1621.

The Indians & Squanto The Wampanoags are the Indians that lived in the Massachusetts area at the time the English settlers landed. The Wampanoags didn't have an easy life because they were warring with a tribe to the north of them. When the pilgrims (that are credited with originating Thanksgiving) landed on Dec. 26, 1620, it was in the dead of winter. And, I think most of us know that this time of year is pretty harsh, even if you're already settled in with a home, etc. So, the Indians and the new settlers were having it a bit rough. Many of us are also told about Squanto, the Indian who can be considered like a public relations representative between the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag Indians because he knew both languages. Many tell the story of how Squanto knew English because he had visited England before. That's a half-truth. You see, several years before (around 1608), Squanto had been captured by the British when he was a boy (along with some other Indians) and taken to Málaga, Spain and sold into slavery. A Spanish monk bought him from his slave owner and treated him well. Squanto was taught English and Christianity by this monk. Somehow, Squanto made his way to England. In England, he worked for John Slaney, a stable owner. While working for Mr. Slaney, Squanto expressed how homesick he was. In 1618, Mr. Slaney heard about a ship sailing for the New World. He got Squanto on that ship and sent him back to live with his people. Unfortunately, when Squanto arrived back in America, he discovered most of his people had died of a disease. While living with the Wampanoags, Squanto was introduced to the Pilgrims (that we now refer to when we think of the first Thanksgiving) by his friend, Samoset. Governor William Bradford was so thrilled to have someone who knew both English and the Indian language that he asked Squanto to be his go-between between the Indians and the settlers. Squanto agreed. So, you see, Squanto didn't voluntarily visit England. He had migrated there after living in slavery and then exile for several years in Spain first. If it wasn't for Mr. Slaney arranging for Squanto to go back to America, Squanto probably would have lived the rest of his life in England. Squanto is credited with being the person who created the first Thanksgiving by speaking with both Chief Massasoit and William Bradford, to set up this feast between the Indians and the Pilgrims with the purpose of giving thanks. Squanto died in November of 1622 from a deadly illness. Governor William Bradford was by his bedside. It is said that he left all his possessions to the English settlers.

Miles Standish Miles Standish is probably the most popular pilgrim, who really wasn't a pilgrim at all. Actually he was a red-haired hot-tempered soldier hired to train the Pilgrims to defend themselves. Miles Standish was supposedly a brave man, except when it came to women. In the poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow "The Courtship of Miles Standish" he tells of sending a young John Alden (who was a soldier also and not a Pilgrim btw) to speak for him to the fair Priscilla Mullins. Well, Priscilla wasn't impressed and her reply was, "Why don't you speak for yourself, John?" (Remind you of Cyrano de Begerac?) Well, it was John Alden who got the girl. Him and Priscilla were married and had 11 children.

How it got to be a holiday? How did Thanksgiving get to be an official holiday? Mrs. Sarah Hale, editor of a magazine called "Dodey's Lady's Book" right after the Civil War persisted for it. For years she wrote the president and congress to establish a day of giving thanks. Eventually, Abraham Lincoln listened and in 1863 decided to proclaim the last day in November as an official Thanksgiving Day for the entire nation. So, for approximately 75 years, annually the president would have to make a proclamation that on November 25th, or November 20th, or November 27th, or November 30th and so on as Thanksgiving. Later on, President Franklin D. Roosevelt realized that it was a bit bothersome to annually declare Thanksgiving based on the last Thursday because the dates kept changing. So President Franklin D. Roosevelt decided that he'd have Thanksgiving changed to always be the 4th Thursday in November (regardless of that date) and so it wouldn't have to be an annual proclamation anymore. In 1941, Congress passed a bill finally establishing Thanksgiving as the 4th Thursday in November as a national holiday for the entire nation. Canada, however felt that this was too far away from the actual harvest time, so they created Thanksgiving to be the 2nd Monday in October.

Turkey, Mashed Potatoes, Gravy, Cranberries, Pumpkin Pie, and Stuffing! These traditional foods of Thanksgiving are a way to remind us of living off the land (farm life) and that we really are dependent on the land even today to survive whether we realize it or not in this modern millennium. People today eat these foods as a way of universally joining together to worship and give thanks (much alike the Last Supper in the bible). When an entire nations is presumably eating the very same thing on the same day, it is a way of symbolically becoming one. And it also helps renew our ties with working the soil. Ironically, the first Thanksgiving probably didn't have any pumpkin pie as we know it today. Why? The pilgrims didn't really have many ingredients to make pastry back then. Stuffing wasn't probably eaten due to lack of flour and bread. They weren't going to waste their bread stuffing it inside a turkey. They'd simply eat it as a loaf. Corn on the cob wasn't eaten back then because Indian corn is different (harder) and all they ate was probably just cornbread from cornmeal. Sweet potatoes were not even common to our area. No one had heard of them back in 1620. And potatoes were probably boiled, let alone mashed. Forget gravy also. What might they have eaten? Fish like cod, bass and herring. Of course there were crabs, lobsters, oysers and mussells. For meats they had the turkey, but also partridge, moose, venison and ducks. They also had nuts available as well as some vegetables and edible roots.

The Corn Every nation has it's priority grain. England has it's wheat. Scotland has it's oats. Ireland has it's oats (and barley?). And the New World had it's corn or maize. The belief of a Corn Mother came over from Europe and isn't original to the New World at all. It originated in Greek and Roman times with their Gods, Demeter and Ceres, in which they remained in the LAST sheaf of grain from a harvest festival. Corn husking also became a custom community activity in many parts of Europe and the New World. But,as I said above, the pilgrims didn't eat corn on the cob because only Indian corn was grown at the time and that was too hard. Popcorn wasn't around yet either.

Tom Turkey Why the turkey got to be called "Tom" I am not sure? Some say it goes back to Thomas Jefferson. Originally, the turkey was suppose to be our national bird. Benjamin Franklin really didn't like the eagle because he felt it had bad morals because it robbed it's food for a living and it also had lice. The turkey, however, was more respectable and was a true native bird of North America. However, others felt that the eagle had a more biblical significance and so it won out over the turkey (never being mentioned in the bible). The custom of snapping the turkey's wishbone, to bring good luck or make a wish come true to the person who gets the largest part goes back to the Romans. (Aren't those Romans just full of these little silly customs?) The Etruscans are believed to have started it. When the Romans conquered England, they introduced it. And by the time the Pilgrims brought it to the New World, it was an established custom in England for years. Many word origin philosophers feel that the bone-snapping of the wishbone is the source for the common expression, "To get a lucky break." The person who gets the shorter end when it breaks will not get his/her wish.

Cranberries Nearly one-half of all the cranberries in the world grow in Cape Cod, Massachusetts, which equals approximately 2 million barrels a year. The Pilgrims gave this sour tasting berry the name crane berry because of it's pink blossoms and drooping head which reminded them of a crane. Over time the word crane berry slurred into cranberry as we know it today. The Indians used the cranberry as a dye, to eat and as a poultice to draw poison from wounds of arrows. The cranberries also dried well, and therefore were a great source of Vitamin C for sailors on ships to prevent scruvy. Not all cranberries are soft. And rumor has it that a cranberry is given 7 chances to bounce over a 4-inch barrier to become juice or a sauce, or it is thrown out. If you think of Charlie the Tuna, I guess you can pun that phrase, "Sorry Crannie." ;) But, cranberry sauce probably wasn't at the first Thanksgiving meal because sugar was so scarce (if at all) back then. They probably ate cranberries, but not as a sauce.

The Cornucopia (Horn of Plenty) Cornucopia is the most common symbol for a harvest festival. It is a horn shaped container filled with abundance of the earth's harvest. The Greek legend goes that Amalthea, (a goat who honored their God Zeus with her milk for life) broke off one of her horns and filled it with fruits, nuts and flowers for him. To show his gratitude, Zeus later set the goat's image in the sky. Today we know it as the constellation Capricorn.

The Thanksgiving Day Parade The oldest Thanksgiving Day parade goes back to 1920, but it was not done by Macy's in New York City. Actually the parade was held by Gimbel's Department Store in Philadelphia. Macy's Department Store is the one that's the most famous for it's Thanksgiving Day parade. The tradition began back in the early 1920's when many of the employees of Macy's were immigrants. In honor of now being in America, they wanted to celebrate the holiday that represented the founding of this great country. So in 1924 they decided to celebrate in the style that they new back in Europe....with a parade. The employees dressed in various costumes and marched down 145th street to 34th Street. They also had some floats, a band and even some borrowed animals from the New York Zoo. The crowd was estimated to be 250,000. They also used to release the balloons, which floated around for days. Those lucky enough to find one could win a prize. This custom is no longer done. Large, big helium balloons weren't added to the parade until 1927. The first helium balloon was of Felix the Cat. By 1934, the parade grew in popularity making the crowd now 500,000. It was also the year that Disney collaborated with the Macy's parade resulting in the first Mickey Mouse balloon. But, due to the War, the parade was shut down from 1942 to 1944. Rubber and helium couldn't be wasted on parades. In 1945 the parade returned, with an audience of 2 million now. In 1952, the parade was first aired on television. Since 1979, the parade's broadcast has won 9 Emmy Awards also. Still today, the Macy's parade remains one of the main traditional celebrations for Thanksgiving Day.

Thanksgiving & Football Today Football is now associated with Thanksgiving. This is rather traditional since the Pilgrims and the Indians did have sporting contests at their 1621 festival. The Pilgrims displayed their shooting skills with guns while the Indians exhibited their talents with bows and arrows, racing, wrestling and other games. Football has been around for centuries. But, the tradition of a Thanksgiving Day football game in the U.S. first began in the high schools. The first Thanksgiving Day high school game is said to be back in 1882 between Needham and Wellesley in Massachusetts. Wellesley won. To this day, both Needham and Wellesley claim to be the oldest high school football rivalry in the US. However, the longest, uninterrupted rivalry is boasted by Boston-Latin School and Boston-English School. They've played a game every year since 1887. San Francisco is credited with building the first football stadium for high school football. In early 1920's, Mary Kezar stated in her will that money was to be given to build a football stadium (in honor of her late husband) where kids could play football. San Francisco matched her charitable donation and a stadium was built in 1924 near Golden State Park. On Thanksgiving Day in 1925 Kezar Stadium opened. The first game was played between Polytechnic High vs. Lowell High. Lowell High won. And a Thanksgiving Day high school football game began in San Francisco. But, football on Thanksgiving Day didn't go professional until 1934 when G.A. Richards decided to hold a football game in Detroit as a way attracting football fans, because up until that time, it was baseball (Tigers) that was getting the most attention. So, the first Thanksgiving Day football game was between two NFL teams: Chicago Bears and Detroit Lions. Since the Chicago Bears were the undefeated World Champions at this time, this also added to the game's popularity. Whoever won, would also be the winner of the NFL Western Division. To help promote this even further, Mr. Richards convinced the NBC Radio to broadcast the game on 94 stations! The results were: Bears = 19 Lions = 16. This 1934 game began the tradition of NFL football on Thanksgiving Day in Detroit. (Except during the War years of 1933-1944). Detroit fans are stoic football fans, especially on Thanksgiving. The tradition of football on Thanksgiving is older than 24 football franchises. The two NFL franchise cities today that hold the Thanksgiving Day football games, are either Detroit or Dallas (started in 1966).

The Beginning of Christmas Shopping Today, Thanksgiving also is the eve of what is called "Black Friday" although I really don't like that name at all. What it is is the official beginning of the Christmas commercial shopping season and it traditionally dates back to the early Norman seasonal fairs held at this time also. It was considered some sort of magical day, so today the myth is that the consumer buying for the rest of the year is based on how good or bad the sales are on Black Friday.

Thanksgiving Phobia The only real Thanksgiving phobia is termed "turkey phobia" by the professionals. No it isn't fear of turkeys. What it is is a fear of NOT cooking the turkey right! For some bizarre reason, our society seems to scorn the woman who fails at cooking a turkey, making a good stuffing and gravy. A San Francisco radio food caster, Harvey Steiman said, "We're hung up on this image if we don't do it exactly right, the ghost of Norman Rockwell will come after us." Forget Norman Rockwell...how about your mother-in-law or other relatives? It seems to be a common activity while the men watch football, the women wander in and out of the kitchen of the hostess giving aged-long advice on how their mothers cooked the bird and taught them? It's a horror every hostess dreads to have people sit down at the table and exclaim how great the beans and almonds are, and say NOTHING about the turkey! Butterball Turkey Corporation offers a Turkey Talk Line that claims to have answered 1,500 calls a day just before Thanksgiving from frantic people trying to pass the infamous "Turkey Cooking Exam" by relatives. Butterball supervisors called it "Turkey Trauma."

Ancestors of the original Mayflower The following Presidents are descendants of original Mayflower settlers as follows: John Adams (John Adams, Hannah Bass, Ruth Alden, JOHN ALDEN) John Adams (John Adams, Hannah Bass, Ruth Alden, PRISCILLA MULLINS, WILLIAM MULLINS) John Quincy Adams (John Adams, John Adams, Hannah Bass, Ruth Alden, JOHN ALDEN) John Quincy Adams (John Adams, John Adams, Hannah Bass, Ruth Alden, PRISCILLA MULLINS, WILLIAM MULLINS) Zachary Taylor (Richard Taylor, Elizabeth Lee, Sarah Allerton, Isaac Allerton, ISAAC ALLERTON ) Zachary Taylor (Richard Taylor, Elizabeth Lee, Sarah Allerton, Isaac Allerton, Fear Brewster, WILLIAM BREWSTER) Ulysses S. Grant (Jesse Grant, Noah Grant, Susanna Delano, Jonathan Delano, Mercy Warren, Nathaniel Warren, RICHARD WARREN) James A. Garfield (Eliza Ballou, Mehitable Ingalls, Sybil Carpenter, Jotham Carpenter, Desire Martin, Mercy Billington, FRANCIS BILLINGTON, JOHN BILLINGTON) Franklin D. Roosevelt (Sara Delano, Warren Delano, Warren Delano, Ephraim Delano, Thomas Delano, Mercy Warren, Nathaniel Warren, RICHARD WARREN) Franklin D. Roosevelt (Sara Delano, Warren Delano, Warren Delano, Elizabeth Cushman, James Cushman, Eleazer Cushman, MARY ALLERTON, ISAAC ALLERTON) Franklin D. Roosevelt (Sara Delano, Warren Delano, Warren Delano, Elizabeth Cushman, James Cushman, Elizabeth Coombs, John Coombs, Sarah Priest, DEGORY PRIEST) Franklin D. Roosevelt (Sara Delano, Warren Delano, Deborah Church, Deborah Perry, Samuel Perry, Ebenezer Perry, Esther Taber, Esther Cooke, JOHN COOKE, FRANCIS COOKE) Franklin D. Roosevelt (Sara Delano, Warren Delano, Deborah Church, Deborah Perry, Samuel Perry, Abigail Presbury, Deborah Skiffe, Lydia Snow, Abigail Warren, RICHARD WARREN) Franklin D. Roosevelt (Sara Delano, Warren Delano, Deborah Church, Joseph Church, Caleb Church, Nathaniel Church, Joseph Church, Joseph Church, Elizabeth Warren, RICHARD WARREN) Franklin D. Roosevelt (James Roosevelt, Mary Aspinwall, Susan Howland, Joseph Howland, Nathanial Howland Jr., Nathanial Howland Sr., Joseph Howland, JOHN HOWLAND) Franklin D. Roosevelt (James Roosevelt, Mary Aspinwall, Susan Howland, Joseph Howland, Nathanial Howland Jr., Nathanial Howland Sr., Joseph Howland, ELIZABETH TILLEY, JOHN TILLEY) George H.W. Bush (Prescott Bush, Flora Sheldon, Mary Butler, Elizabeth Pierce, Betsy Wheeler, Sarah Horton, Joanna Wood, Jabez Wood, Hannah Nelson, Hope Huckins, Hope Chipman, Hope Howland, JOHN HOWLAND) George H.W. Bush (Prescott Bush, Flora Sheldon, Mary Butler, Elizabeth Pierce, Betsy Wheeler, Sarah Horton, Joanna Wood, Jabez Wood, Hannah Nelson, Hope Huckins, Hope Chipman, Hope Howland, ELIZABETH TILLEY, JOHN TILLEY) George H.W. Bush (Prescott Bush, Flora Sheldon, Mary Butler, Courtland Butler, Samuel Butler, Sarah Herrick, Silence Kingsley, Samuel Kingsley, Mary Washburn, Elizabeth Mitchell, Jane Cooke, FRANCIS COOKE) George W. Bush (George H.W. Bush, Prescott Bush, Flora Sheldon, Mary Butler, Elizabeth Pierce, Betsy Wheeler, Sarah Horton, Joanna Wood, Jabez Wood, Hannah Nelson, Hope Huckins, Hope Chipman, Hope Howland, JOHN HOWLAND) George W. Bush (George H.W. Bush, Prescott Bush, Flora Sheldon, Mary Butler, Elizabeth Pierce, Betsy Wheeler, Sarah Horton, Joanna Wood, Jabez Wood, Hannah Nelson, Hope Huckins, Hope Chipman, Hope Howland, ELIZABETH TILLEY, JOHN TILLEY) George W. Bush (George H.W. Bush, Prescott Bush, Flora Sheldon, Mary Butler, Courtland Butler, Samuel Butler, Sarah Herrick, Silence Kingsley, Samuel Kingsley, Mary Washburn, Elizabeth Mitchell, Jane Cooke, FRANCIS COOKE) George W. Bush (Barbara Pierce, Marvin Pierce, Jonas Pierce, Chloe Holbrook, John Holbrook, John Holbrook, Zilpha Thayer, Mary Samson, Stephen Samson, HENRY SAMSON) The following Vice Presidents are descendants of original Mayflower settlers as follows: Dan Quayle (James Quayle, Marie Cline, Delia Burras, Oscar Burras, Sally Standish, Peleg Standish, Zachariah Standish, Zachariah Standish, Ebenezer Standish, Alexander Standish, MYLES STANDISH) Dan Quayle (James Quayle, Marie Cline, Delia Burras, Oscar Burras, Sally Standish, Peleg Standish, Zachariah Standish, Zachariah Standish, Ebenezer Standish, Sarah Alden, JOHN ALDEN) The following First Ladies are descendants of original Mayflower settlers as follows: Barbara (Pierce) Bush: (Marvin Pierce, Jonas Pierce, Chloe Holbrook, John Holbrook, John Holbrook, Zilpha Thayer, Mary Samson, Stephen Samson, HENRY SAMSON) Lucretia (Rudolph) Garfield: (Arabella Mason, Lucretia Greene, John Green, Elizabeth Taylor, Anne Winslow, Edward Winslow, MARY CHILTON, JAMES CHILTON) Edith (Carrow) Roosevelt [Mrs. Theodore Roosevelt]: (Gertrude Tyler, Emily Lee, Elizabeth Gorham, Stephen Gorham, Desire Howland, JOHN HOWLAND)

The Family Gathering: Love it or Hate it? Fear of getting together with family on Thanksgiving, Christmas, or any other holiday or event such as graduations, weddings, funerals etc. is often the most stressful and depressing thing for many of us. I've made a separate page on this topic for those that want to read it. Holiday Stress

A Thanksgiving Toast for your table from us:

To the American Eagle- and the Thanksgiving Turkey- May one give us peace in all our States, And the other a piece for all our plates.

Visit our other Thanksgiving Pages
besides Thanksgiving History

Includes Thanksgiving Jokes, Riddles, Quotes, Poems, Etc.	Play our Thanksgiving Trivia Game.
Play our Thanksgiving Bingo Game while the turkey cooks.	We've got a couple of different fun recipes to serve with your traditional meal.

CNN's "How To Carve A Turkey" Flash Animation!
Get Turkey Wishbones for Everyone!

Try our recipe for great wild rice stuffing.

Sources:
"Holiday Folklore, Phobias and Fun" by Donald E. Dossey, Ph.D
Outcomes Unlimited Press, Inc. © 1992

Holiday Symbols, 2nd Edition by Sue Ellen Thompson
Omnigraphics, Inc. © 2000 and the following websites:

NFL.com
ProFootball Hall of Fame.com
The Detroit Lions.com
Native Americans.com
DesiJournal.com
TeacherVision.com
BillPetro.com
EnjoyMa.com/Boston
Macys.com

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Election Day 2008 in Florida

A little political humor for a change. Enjoy.



The Atlantic Monthly | December 2006

The Agenda

The Future

Election Day 2008

A letter from Florida

by Christopher Buckley

.....

olitics, like nature, abhors a vacuum, but the special election to be held here next Tuesday has many people wondering if the laws of physics and politics have been temporarily conjoined. On Election Day, Florida’s Cuban Americans will go to the polls twice—once to vote for America’s next president, and again to determine Cuba’s.

The so-called elecciónextraordinaria y democracia in absentia is the brainchild of Jorge Menos Canosa, a prosperous leader of the Cuban expatriate community in Miami and, like most of his countrymen who arrived in Florida after the revolution, a fierce opponent of the Castro regime. He gained prominence in 1971 when he flew a blimp festooned with anti-Castro slogans over a soccer game outside Havana. He barely eluded the Cuban MiG fighters that were scrambled to shoot him down.

As he told TheMiami Herald last summer, the idea of holding Cuba’s first democratic election—in the United States—came to him “between three and four in the morning,” during a “very robust” night of celebrating following the death of Ramon Castro, Fidel’s younger brother, who succeeded Fidel after his recent death.

“We were sitting around discussing what should happen, when it came to us—why leave it to them?” Canosa told a visitor recently, while sitting on the deck of his expansive home overlooking the Everglades, chewing on an unlit (Dominican) Montecristo cigar. “To be candid: What do they know at this point? They’ve been living in a totalitarian dictatorship since 1959,” he said. “Here in Florida, we have abundant experience with democracy. We know how to run elections. Okay, in 2000, a Democrat almost won. But,” he added, lighting the cigar, “as you saw, we took care of that.”

Canosa, whose name appears on the ballot, discounts personal ambition. “I’m eighty-one,” he said. “I’m wealthy. I’m not so eager to live in some porque­ría—roughly, dump—“of a presidential ‘palace’ that hasn’t had new plumbing since the ’50s. But maybe it’s time to give something back. Like my American grandchildren would say, Whatever. Anyway, I’m on the ballot. But there are other candidates to choose from.”

Seventeen other candidates, to be precise. According to the latest poll, the front-runner is Jaime Perfecto Jiménez, a billionaire duty-free entrepreneur, who has vowed if elected to personally execute all associates of Fidel and Ramon Castro. (“With my own pistol.”)

At the other end of the spectrum is Fulminacio García y López, who has pledged to increase the daily minimum wage in Cuba to $1 a day, up from thirty cents. Doctors, engineers, and lawyers would get salary increases to $5 a day, and a chicken on religious feast days.

Exactly how the winner might actually take office is unclear. Jiménez, who on weekends conducts military-style maneuvers with a brigade of like-minded compatriots in the Everglades, says he has an army “equipped and ready to assert my presidency.” Canosa, for his part, has already been arrested and prosecuted several times for violating the Overthrow of Foreign Governments Act, but each time has been acquitted thanks to the ag‑ gressive tactics of his attorney, Roy Black, whose other clients have included William Kennedy Smith and Rush Limbaugh.

The present Cuban government, headed by Ramonito Castro y Castro, a grandson of Ramon, has been quite specific about what its reaction to a takeover bid would be: Castro y Castro has promised “apocalypse like never before.” His ally, Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez, has threatened to drive supertankers loaded with oil onto Floridian reefs, “turning imperialist beaches black from Key West to Cape Cod—maybe even to Nova Scotia, depending on the Gulf Stream.”

owever it plays out, this election seems sure to change the political—and perhaps even demographic—contours of Florida. “In 1980, you had the Marielistas,” says Ramon Castanetas, a columnist for Cuba Libre, the influential Spanish-language weekly, recalling the mass exodus of Cubans to the United States. “Perhaps in 2008 we’ll have the Miamistas, going the other way, only in nicer boats.”

More than 800,000 Cuban Americans live in Florida, and most are Republicans. If enough of them decide to return to Cuba, Florida will turn from a “red”—or rojo—state to a “blue”—or azul—state. With Florida’s twenty-seven electoral votes at stake, this possibility has Republicans in Washington nervous, and Democrats watering at the mouth.

When Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton was asked how she would respond, as president, if millions of Cuban Americans began to cross the Gulf Stream south, she said that she was “all in favor of more democracy for Cuba, as long as Dubai isn’t allowed to operate ports there.” Republican nominee Jeb Bush, meanwhile, denied Republican anxiety about a Floridian political Doppler shift from red to blue, declaring that most Cuban Americans would want to stay put once he, as president, enacted his plan to raise federal revenues by cutting income tax rates to zero percent.

In truth, the long-term impact of this extraordinary event on the Cuban American psyche is impossible to predict with any confidence. For the past fifty years, the Cuban expatriate community has had a bona fide devil (diablo) in Fidel Castro. Their hatred for Castro and Communism has been a dynamo of energy and, to mix metaphors, the glue that has bonded them together tightly over the years. Now that the devil is gone, whither will their hatred be directed; or, will their hatred simply wither?

Sociologists who have studied the hatred patterns within the Cuban community in the United States are of two minds; even three. Sonesta-Maria Osorio, a professor of animosity at Opa-Locka Community College, says, “To paraphrase Voltaire on religion, if Castro did not exist, the Cubans would have to invent him.” She speaks of a “duality [dualidad] within the Cuban soul. On the one hand, the placid, joyful temperament—the lover and enjoyer of life, of music and dancing, cigars, women, good food: the easy-goer. Then on the other hand, you have the quick-to-reach-for-the-machine-gun-or-machete-or-Russian- missile: the not-so-easy-goer. This is the Cuban in his totality and complexity. And truthfully, it can be very scary.”

Other social observers of the Cuban experience foresee, as one puts it, “a period of intense introspection, followed by a period of spectacular turmoil—lots of explosions, a new Baghdad—followed by a period of exhaustion and more introspection, followed by a period of heavy drinking, followed by a tremendous hangover.”

Looking out over the Everglades from his deck, producing a second cigar, Jorge Menos Canosa is philosophical. “I suppose it would be something to win,” he says. “To return to Havana after all these years, to stand on the balcony in the palace and address all the people in the square and say, ‘So, muchachos, muchachas, what was all that about?’ To hear the roar of the crowd. It wouldn’t be so bad after all. On the other hand,” he says, sipping a Bacardi and Coke, “it’s not so bad right here, even with the mosquitoes and the alligators and the Democrats.”